


Last Words

by TheoMiller



Category: Buzzfeed Unsolved (Web Series)
Genre: Angst, Canonical Character Death, F/F, Gen, Post-Season/Series 05 Finale, Survivor Guilt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-28
Updated: 2018-12-28
Packaged: 2019-09-29 02:43:54
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,038
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17195006
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheoMiller/pseuds/TheoMiller
Summary: We just don't talk enough about how everyone Maizey loves is dead and she's trapped on a spaceship in hyperdrive with her brother in law's dead body and the ghost of the witch who created her.





	Last Words

**Author's Note:**

> uhhhhh v v v angsty so like, use caution reading?

"I think I see Smeech."

As far as last words went, they were pretty plain.

But then Maizey remembered: Smeech was dead. Joblet, much as she had hated him, and Garce, who she couldn't quite bring herself to hate as much as she should, had also died. She resented Pam for killing him as much as she resented him for the role he played in trying to stop them from saving their friends, and the world. Who was Pam to bring even more death into the world?

Smeech was dead, and so was everyone else from 0-Nion.

She wished she could believe Mike Soup and Dr. Goondis lived.

But they had looked so small and frightened even when the Chili Pope shrunk, and that explosion had felt final. Like a lever being pulled over a witch volcano.

"Mike and I will stay behind," Goondis had said. "Seems we have unfinished business with the space pope, Chili IX."

Those were impressive last words. But she couldn't even appreciate them objectively. Soup and Goondis had died giving her time to escape. Mike and Ernie were dead.

She wondered what Pam's last words had been and decided she didn't care. She'd killed Gebra. She'd created Gebra just to destroy her and she had created Maizey and given her all this love for a dead woman who had only ever been a hologram. Maizey had only ever been a hologram. But Gene had been real.

And real things left bodies.

"Minestrone, is there..." Maizey sighed. "Is there an incinerator aboard?"

There was.

Maizey didn't know if french fries believed in cremation, but time was limited. They couldn't risk powering down the hyperdrive and finding another planet, especially after the last time. The Minestrone was in a bad way. Just getting to the Graxylon Quadrant would take a miracle. And Maizey was pretty sure they were running out of miracles. As much as she wanted to, she couldn't take the time to bury Gene. And she couldn't jettison him from the airlock like space trash.

She carried Gene to the incinerator and stood there in her battered borrowed boots. Brother in law. It was a strange phrase. As if they were family because of a few hastily spoken vows and a proclamation of the sausage priest, and not because of this.

She didn't want to be alive in that volcano when Gebra was gone. But then Gene was there. He'd been there on the radio when she needed it, too. She'd thought about it a lot trying to get off that planet. Her world had narrowed down to finding Mike and Gene.

Sitting in the cell she'd thought the same thing over and over: find Mike and Gene.

Survive the fight. Find her friends. Get the Bernoulli converter. Get to the Graxylon Quadrant. Travel back in time and save Gebra.

Save Gene's band. Save Mike. Save Gene.

She was the only one left.

Save Gene, she whispered. Save Mike. Save our friends. Save Gebra. Save Ernie, too. Stop the Dark Master and save the galaxy.

Gebra's last words had been to Gene. "Gene, what's going on?" But the last thing they'd _done_ was get married by the Sausage Priest. And the last thing Gene had done was tell Maizey he believed in her.

She lowered his body into the incinerator and closed the door. Pam hovered nearby, blessedly silent.

She lowered her head. She didn't say anything. Eulogies weren't for the dead. They were for the living. And there was no one left to mourn Gene but a hologram, a ghost, and a ship.

"Minestrone," she said. "Initiate incinerator."

"Initiating," the ship said. Its voice cracked.

She closed her eyes like she had in that cavern, saying, "I'm so sorry, Moofus." Saying the words she knew he would repeat. Waiting for the explosion. She killed a lot of innocent plupples in the crossfire. She hadn't meant to. She'd been sick to her stomach just seeing the old skulls in the arena, let alone inflicting that kind of pain on the bystanders.

"Thank you, Maizey," Moofus had groaned when she killed him.

Even as he'd absolved her with his final breath Maizey couldn't help thinking about that. She didn't ever want someone to thank her for killing them. It had been one time too many.

She looked at Pam, translucent and small, and wondered if she would have to kill past Pam. If either Pam would thank her. Probably not. That probably made it worse.

She emptied Gene's ashes into a sealed container and tucked it under her arm. This was all that remained of her wife and friends, of a life outside of this spaceship. For all Maizey knew it was the last of non-chili life in the entire galaxy, now enclosed in glass and metal. Literally burnt away to ashes.

"Maizey," Pam said.

"Don't talk to me," Maizey said. "Not a single word, Pam, or I swear I'll - "

But the threat died in her throat. Her eyes were burning. Her chest was tight. If she killed Pam's ghost it wouldn't change anything. It wouldn't bring anyone back. It wouldn't make her feel better. It wouldn't make her the hero Gene had wanted her to be. It would just make one more dead person. Another drop in an endless bucket.

She went back to her quarters. Six by eight, plain metal walls, cold bunk.

Maizey closed her eyes.

 _You'll still save the day somehow_ , Gene had said. _Maizey's gonna save the day_.

Survive this. Keep running. Go back in time. Save your friends.

Step one: survive this.

Survive this.

She'd survived the fight, thinking Mike and Gene would find a way to save her. But instead she lived. She freed Goondis. She found the Minestrone. She found her friends. She found the converter. She was on her way to the Graxylon quadrant.

"These are not gonna be my last words," she said.

A tear fell from her face and hit the metal floor with a quiet splash. She wiped the rest away.

She set Gene's ashes on the shelf above her bunk. "I believe you," she said. "More importantly, I believe me."

Survive this. Keep going. Travel back in time. Save the day.

**Author's Note:**

> @ shane madej ily but the longer you leave us w/o s6 the more hiatus crazy builds up in my head


End file.
